Summit Ward Talent Show

This is really funny. Go here: http://deseretbook.com/video/view/74

Replacement Windows

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them. Hellloooo,...........just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.
So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!
Helllooooo? It's been a year! I told him. There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up.
He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.

'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'

'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.

Free Referee Training

What Religion is your Bra?

A man walked into the ladies department of Myer's and shyly walked up to

the woman behind the counter and said, 'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife. '

' What type of bra?' asked the clerk.

'Type?' inquires the man, 'There's more than one type?'

' Look around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras

in every shape, size, colour and material imaginable.

'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from .'

Relieved, the man asked about the types.

The saleslady replied: 'There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types.

Which one would you prefer?'

Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.

The Saleslady responded, 'It is all really quite simple.

The Catholic type supports the masses;

The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen;

The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright;

The Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills.'

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used

to define bra sizes?

If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for,

it is about time you became informed!

(A} Almost Boobs.
{B} Barely there...
{C} Can't Complain!..
{D} Dang!...
{DD} Double dang!...
{E} Enormous!...
{F} Fake...
{G} Get a Reduction...
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!...

They forgot the German bra.

Holtzemfromfloppen

Humor for the day!

Suzie's New Recipe Collection : Food Glorious Food

This is from my friend Judy Gaskin

Roasted Cauliflower - Seves 6.

Preheat oven to 400 degrees
Lightly spray a large baking dish (9x13) with vegetable oil. Pan must be broiler safe and large enough to spread cauliflower to a single layer.

Cut one medium head cauliflower into small even pieces. A really giant head of cauliflower might require a bigger pan and more dressing and topping.

Topping: Mix together in a small bowl and set aside
1/3 cup small bread crumbs(4 slices of bread dried and mashed with a rolling pin) and 1/3 cup grated Parmesan cheese

Cauliflower: Place the following in a reclosable gallon bag and shake to evenly coat
2 Tablespoons minced garlic
1 teaspoon dried parsley (1 T fresh)
3 Tablespoons olive oil
salt and pepper to taste
cauliflower

Pour into large pan and spread to a single layer. Cover tightly with foil.

Bake 10-15 minutes and stir. Bake 10 minutes more or until just tender..

Set oven to low broil.

Remove foil cover. Sprinkle bread crumb topping evenly over cauliflower. Broil for 3-5 minutes until topping has little brown specks.

Enjoy. Makes good leftovers.

Transcending: Words on Women and Strength by Kelly Corrigan

My cousin sent this to me today.....I loved it. Hope you enjoy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_4qwVLqt9Q

What happens to the greedy!

I am so proud..she is so proud!

My daughter Lindsay is a coupon queen like me. She loves a good deal and finds all kinds of them. A girl after my own heart.
Her husband is a law student and she is the temporary breadwinner. So on her meager budget, she is making great strides. She sent me this email tonight, I just had to post it. I thought it might inspire someone who was thinking about "couponing"
It definitely takes time..but oh so worth it. She has even inspired me to get back on the bandwagon for groceries I do a little but give most of my grocery coupons to my daughter-in-law. Now restaurant coupons I hord all to myself. Greg and I use them several times a week.

Lindsay says" take a look at my loot. I got all of this for $15.48!! I had a coupon for every single thing except the mac and cheese (but they were on sale.) There were a few things that they were out of that I have to go back tomorrow to get. but really, you could only use 20 coupons at once... and I did, so i guess i would have to go back anyway."


Way to go LINDSO. You were paying attention all those years I drug you to the store with my coupon caddy.